Keeping balance

Sending your child to an independent school is a very expensive option. For the majority of parents, this comes with significant financial sacrifice. Parents recognise the unique benefits independent schools offer and how these in turn can help their child. But when a child is dropped off at the school gate, parenting doesn't end – and when a child comes home from school, educating doesn't stop.

It is vital for parents to accept that when a child starts at a school, they themselves have entered into a partnership with the teachers and the institution as a whole. When this partnership works well, the benefits for the child are myriad. But as with any partnership, it needs effort on both sides – alongside brilliant communications – in order to flourish. For the more mathematical reader, think of a Venn diagram and the intersection where the two separate worlds of home and school cross over. There are many ways in which meaningful and proactive dialogue between the two can result in improved outcomes for children. At the heart of this is the need for clear communication channels.

There are any number of tools available to improve communication between school and home. These include online platforms that give an insight into school life, of which previous generations of parents could only have dreamt. The benefit of such platforms is hard to measure, but they are very much in keeping with the mindset of today's parents.

Sometimes, levels of parental expectation and demand are such that tensions rise and quite pronounced fall outs may occur. These can range from a temporary breakdown in trust, to parents leaving schools and spreading only negative messages in their wake. There is no real winner in such circumstances, and children are often the losers when faced with teachers who are disaffected and parents who are disconnected. Pupils often have to start new schools with all the challenges that this can bring. I suspect that in this situation, the one thing that both schools and parents agree upon is that constant change is of no benefit to any child.

So what is the answer to all of this? I would suggest that if you are reading this as a parent, you ask yourself one question: 'Do I trust my child's teachers to give them the best education possible?' I sincerely hope that the answer is a firm 'yes'. If not, ask yourself why, and start a productive conversation with their school. Factor in that it is not your school's job to teach a child to tie laces, hold cutlery properly and solely establish right from wrong. Be realistic and accept that parenting is the role of parents, and school based educating is the job of educators.

Studies have shown that pupils whose parents have a positive relationship with their school can often achieve higher than expected levels of attainment. A series of positive conversations builds trust and understanding; a vital connection should there ever be a genuine misunderstanding on the behalf of school or home. We all get things wrong sometimes, and parents and schools need to be comfortable with this notion.

There is an optimal level of support from home that all the best teachers seek to nurture. Parents who value and trust teachers to be doing the right thing by their child will probably get the most from educators, both in terms of human interaction and the learning experience of their child. Teaching is a people-focused business, and human interactions that are positive can lead to inspirational things happening.

Teachers who work in a silo tend to come unstuck. This is because we learn from others, and this includes the parents who bring a level of expertise from their backgrounds from which schools can most certainly learn. There is a delicate balance to be found, and no parent should be permitted to dictate matters to schools. By the same token, no school should shut off parents who have nothing but positive intent (albeit possibly extreme at times).

In nourishing these relationships that count between school and home, we can run the risk of developing a culture where parents micromanage their children and push for schools to create the perfect pathway to pastoral excellence, ecstatically happy children and outstanding exam results. Some would argue that this is the right of every child and, on a certain level, I could not disagree. Yet parents, teachers and pupils need to understand that very few personal journeys are undertaken on a straight and flat road. Life inevitably has its challenges. Those schools and parents who factor this into childhood and education are those who produce children who cope better with adversity and knock backs, well beyond the school yard and into adulthood.

Parents need to know the moment to step in, and schools need to recognise the moment to call on parents. It can be a beautiful and powerful partnership but it can also go wrong. And like all good relationships, it needs time and effort to be a success.